At around 10:30pm HST while watching The Daily Show, I paused it & headed to the bathroom to sit down & take a few minutes to think about life. So, I sat down, grabbed some reading material & readied myself for a good healthy experience. All of a sudden I heard & felt a rumble (though not from yours truly). Before I had a chance to formulate a reaction, my backside was being shoved off the toilet by a gush I could only assume was going to be sewage. It's amazing the number of thoughts that can rush through your head in such a short period of time. My brain, in a second or two, exploded with thoughts of: "Fuck...I'm being soaked with sewage." & "How am I going to stop this?" & "Well, we're on a month to month lease which is ending today." & "I'M COVERED IN OTHER PEOPLE'S SHIT! FUUUUUUUCK!"
Much to my surprise, when I fumbled off the toilet & fell forward to mitigate the damage, I see soap suds shooting out of the toilet. First of all, I was relieved. Anything other than raw sewage was preferable. My second thought was "how do I stop it?!" After a brief moment, it stopped. I don't know why or how, but it stopped.
At that point I went & woke Marissa up to tell her what happened. Oddly, she wasn't surprised. She said it had happened a few times before. Apparently she's told me about this issue, but...I must not have paid a lot of attention to her when she told me. I guess it really is something you have to see to believe. So, see below, & believe.
So, there you have it. Much love from a bearded man with an incredibly clean ass.
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